homesick

Well, today was just one of those days. I just had the feeling of ... yeah ... of what? It's hard to describe. Maybe the question of "Is this all there is in life?" is the closest thing I can think of. And I just don't know exactly what triggered this feeling. And this just comes up every once in a while. Those who know me personally already know my history. For those who don't know me (yet), here's the situation in a nutshell. The past years haven't been easy for us, and just recently things are going uphill again, slowly but surely.
Anyway, back to today. I just had the same idea again, that keeps on coming back. The idea of not knowing what I am still doing here, why I am still here in Holland? Every now and then I have the feeling of missing Taiwan. And I don't know why. And I just had the urge to go hunting for jobs in Taiwan (or in other parts of Asia for that matter).
When I think about me and my job hunting here in Holland, I sometimes just get a bit depressed. I still not sure what I want, what I can do. I have made the decision to go back to the airfreight again, since this line of work is still in my heart. But I feel I need to do this part time, since I have been without a job for so long, that I have to get used to it again. However, finding a part time job in this line of work is very hard. Also, night shifts and late shifts are more and more introduced. And, not that I am lazy, it's just I feel that this is such a waste of money, time and resources. There are companies, that are open 24/7. But why? During night time, you can't call any customers, since they all close at 6 pm. Making documents at night time is also a bit useless, if you just hire 1 person extra during daytime, and let him/her only make documents, is much cheaper. Apart from that, these things are hell for your biological clock, not to mention your social life.

I have send out several application letters, with the naive hope that someone will be interested.
The strange thing is, that I know that in, for example, Taiwan they are more demanding in this line of work. And still I am trying to apply for a job there, with all the things that I don't like over here.
Well, it may be not that strange though. Working there, is different kind of challenge. Life is so completely different there, that you take those things on the side, because you are enjoying the challenge of living there, enjoying the pleasure of exploring the city, exploring the life.

Recently I found a new website, TravelBlog, which is a website filled with blogs of people telling stories of their travels, or of their life living in another country.
I found 2 blogs on here, both from American girls, who moved to Taiwan to teach English there (MaryBrooks & Rachel Mathews). And reading that just made me feel homesick. everything they write is so recognisable. And reading about trips to HongKong makes it even worse.
Also reading back my articles about my life there makes me think about my time in Taiwan. And of course, living there is completely different then being there on vacation. But, I think that, as long as I have my own little private space, where I can hide in, when I want to be alone, I can make it anywhere. Even in Taiwan.